Lessons from Facilitation for Parents, Part 2: “Kid Meetings”

This is part of a series of lessons I have taken from my collaborative decision-making practice and applied to family life. 

“First Item on the Agenda: Cuddles!”

I have planned and facilitated meetings, mostly in the virtual space, for the last several years.  Over those years, I have also become a mother. 

With a crew of four tiny humans under the age of eight, you can imagine group discussions can be hard to manage.  Each is busy with their own priorities, sometimes hesitant to stop and participate in something new.  It’s honestly not all that different from coordinating a virtual meeting of busy professionals.

As an outcomes-oriented person, I originally designed my work meetings to maximize the productivity of every moment, getting into the work at minute 0.  I also tried to have important conversations with my kids while they were still engaged with the game or toy of the moment.  But I quickly learned that neither was an effective strategy – ever. 

Kid Meeting!

So I changed my approach.  Now when I need to redirect my kids towards a common goal, I call out, “Kid meeting!!”  They come, even when playing with their favorite toys, because they know kid meetings are fun. 

We sit on the floor, everyone close.  I start every meeting by saying, “First item on the agenda is…” and we all shout “Cuddles!”  And then we tumble into a rambunctious pile of cuddling humans.  Every time.  It’s a tradition that focuses them on each other and releases their pent-up energy.  Often, “More Cuddles” is then the second, third, and fourth item on the agenda.  I don’t fight it because that’s what my stakeholders want.  I do eventually shift to the topic at hand, which is usually co-creating the schedule for the day.  By that point, everyone has come together as a group, is no longer thinking about what they had been doing, and is ready to participate in the decision-making.

Human-Centered Meeting Planning

I saw better results went I engaged my children as humans.  The same is true of our work life.  Every meeting is stronger if you build in time for relationship building, mindfulness and meditation, or something else that nourishes the spirit of your group.  This time is productive — it gives participants time to connect with each other, connect with the mission and the reason why they are there, and break free from all the many other balls they are juggling.

Kids are humans; they want to cuddle.  Your colleagues are humans; they want to build authentic relationships.  

And we design better meetings when we meet these human needs before anything else.